Funny Pick Up Lines

funny pick up lines
Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

Funny pick up lines, they make everyone laugh! Just remember that there are two types of funny pick up lines. One is like a joke and it makes people laugh. The other is a light-hearted pick up line that will/should break the ice.

If you have a natural ability to make people laugh, or maybe you looking for some new ammunition to add to your game. This is the place for you.

Don’t stress and check out our Funny Pick Up Lines!

Will also show you how to use these pick up lines in such a way that will HELP you build confidence while talking to women. 

We’ve got some funny stuff.

The following topics will be explored:

The basics. What are Funny Pick Up Lines?

Type one: This the kind of line that you wouldn’t normally say. It’s more of a joke to make your friends laugh. Or perhaps it can be something to say to your partner as you are already “in” with them.

Keep in mind that this line will fail more often compared to a light hearted funny pick up line. An example of this would be, “Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?” Although this is hilarious in many situations with your friends. It isn’t something you would want to say to someone you haven’t met before.

Type two: This is the one you use to break the ice and make them smile. It’s a powerful thing. The ability to make a girl laugh will set you apart and make you more attractive.

A good example of this would be, “I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?” Depending on the situation and how you say this, it can work really well. If you can make them laugh you are in front!

Keep in mind, you don’t have to use a “funny pick up line” to make them laugh. A funny joke can also work well. 

Bonus tip: According to a study from Stanford University School of Medicine, women are more attracted and enjoy dating men who can make them laugh. Check out the story here!

Funny Pick Up Lines that Don’t Work!

These DON’T WORK and are generally type 1 funny pick up lines. Now all of these are funny as F***. However, they are not going to work on anyone. Type ones are generally more for having a laugh with your friends. But if you are looking for a slap… Use one of these!

  • Hickory Dickery Dock, it’s time to suck my c**k.
  • Are you a drum? Because I’d bang you.
  • I may be hung like a tic-tac, but I’ll leave your breath minty fresh!
  • You were in my dream last night, and I woke up wet.

How to use 2 Funny Pick Up Lines that Will Work! 

Funny pick up line number 1: “Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.”

You’re probably thinking, “no way this works!” To be honest it will only work in the right situationwith the right person. If the girl has large breasts and is flirting with you, this will work really well. But you should still watch out for the occasional slap.

Funny pick up line number 2: “My mum told me to stay away from girls like you.”

This one’s funny because it’s unexpected. If they are interested in you they will love this one. It’s almost like you’re saying that they a “bad girl” in a good way. It’s a compliment and you come across as a “nice guy”.

When your pick up line works…

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The Funny Pick Up Lines list.

  • Roses are Red, Violets are blue, give me some head while I’m taking a poo. 
  • Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
  • You don’t want to have sex on your period? I don’t mind a little ketchup on the hot dog as long as the bun is tight.
  • Baby, you’ve bought yourself a cruise on the Love Boat. I’ll be your captain.
  • I spilled skittles down my pants. Do you want to taste the rainbow?
  • How about I teach you about firefighting by letting you slide down my pole.
  • Nice pants, can I test the zipper?
  • You look a bit tired. Getting laid would do wonders for your complexion.
  • I call my d**k Notorious, cause it’s B.I.G. (When you’re at a R&B club and Notorious comes on)
  • You wanna go skinny dipping, in my water bed?
  • Are you a drum? cause I’d bang you.
  • Are you an architect? Because you just erected a monument in my pants.
  • Good news, the test results are negative! But you might want to get yourself tested.
  • Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.
  • I may be hung like a tic-tac, but I’ll leave your breath minty fresh!
  • Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?
  • On my last date, we played strip poker. We stripped, and I poked her.
  • Roses are Red, Violets are Plants, what are you wearing, under your pants.

Don’t worry there’s more Funny Pick Up Lines…

  • I don’t know you, but something inside me is saying I should take you out.
  • It’s a good thing I wore my gloves today; otherwise, you’d be too hot to handle.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
  • We’ll be great. I like Legos, you like Legos, why don’t we build a relationship?
  • Do you know Karate, cause I don’t want you to kick me when I grab your ass.
  • One, two, three, four, I declare a tongue war.
  • Hickory Dickery Dock, it’s time to suck my cock.
  • You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
  • I might not be Mormon, but I’m MoreMan than you’ve ever seen.
  • My mum told me to stay away from girls like you.
  • I don’t want to talk about red violets blue poems and those silly things, because I want to do you.
  • Are you from Japan? Because I want to get into your Japanties!
  • Don’t worry I am not going to use a cheesy pick up line on you today.
  • Do you wanna put your hands in my pockets?
  • I walked into a door when I saw you.
  • Don’t I know you from that internet porn site…
  • I’m sure you have heard every cheesy line in the book. But have you ever had cream cheese on the first date?
  • You need to stop loving roses because I can’t afford them anymore.

It’s okay there’s still more Funny Pick Up Lines to come…

  • Are you a campfire? Cause you’re hot and I want s’more.
  • We’re not socks. But I think we’d make a great pair.
  • Girl, you make curves great again.
  • So we’re friends now, when do the benefits kick in?
  • I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
  • Keep calm and take your pants off. But don’t do it too quickly, you might hurt yourself.
  • If you’re feeling down, can I feel you up?
  • I have been sitting here writing poems for you. But instead I think it’s best that I tell you.
  • Hey Baby, I just paid off this mustache, want to take it for a ride?
  • I’d fake blindness just to touch you inappropriately.
  • I’m allergic to nuts, but there’s no way you are.
  • I know hello in 6 different languages. But which one do you want me to tell you tomorrow?
  • It’s time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!
  • You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
  • First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
  • Give me your number before I don’t want it no more.
  • Do you want a root? No? Well can you lay down while I have one.
  • Can I have your phone number? Because I lost mine.
  • Let’s start something beautiful together.

Glenn Quagmire’s funny pick up lines.

Glenn Quagmire is a fictional character from the famous American T.V series ‘Family Guy’. We all love Glenn as he is the ultimate ladies man. When in doubt just think what would Quagmire do. Here are some of his funny pick up lines. While you’re at it have a look at Quagmire’s best moments, you might learn something. If you haven’t had enough of Quagmire’s pick up lines please have a look at all the pick up lines Quagmire has used!

  • I won’t preach to ya, but I will be your daddy.
  • You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.
  • I’d look good on you. Quagmire is the ultimate accessory.
  • Did you know the word of the day is “legs”? Why don’t you and I go back to my place and spread the word?
  • You must be a parking ticket because you got FINE written all over you.
  • (To lesbians) Have you ladies ever been penetrated. ohhh!



funny pick up lines
Good luck with your Funny Pick Up Lines.

Let us know what the ultimate Glenn Quagmire pick up line would be.

Want more pick up lines? Check these out:

Cute: Kill em’ with cuteness.

Classic: For the old school.

Cheesy: It’s not easy being cheesy.

Dirty: For the sick minded.

Sweet: Be a sweetie pie.